Creating Family as a Single

In Danylak's book, he emphasizes the fact that singles should protect their freedom because then they are able to be in closer relationship first with the Lord, and second with their church family.

As a single, I will admit there have been times when I felt out of place at church functions or other things because I was the only one who had no significant other. It could be awkward to be around people who were holding hands or talking about their engagements, etc. But in reality, wasn't I the one who was doing that to herself? Well, it was a little bit of that and a little bit of the pushy "get married or you're going to be an old maid" attitude.

Both attitudes are wrong. The older I get, the more I enjoy my freedom as a big ol' one. I make my own decisions, I am undistracted, and I go where I want to go. I've been to some amazing places by myself and with my family and friends, and I enjoy the things I want to enjoy without having to think "does my significant other enjoy this too?"

It might sound selfish, but I really don't think it is. It's just the way things are.

I do find it encouraging that Danylak says Jesus was closer to his followers than he was to his own kin. Danylak points out that in Matthew 3, Jesus is told by his followers that his family is outside the house looking for him. He replies "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother." What an amazing way to say that in our mutual trust and belief in Jesus, we are all family!

I recently read (twice) Ed Shaw's book, Same-Sex Attraction and the Church. My friend and I read it together and discovered some priceless nuggets of wisdom in its pages, things we'd never been taught or were unable to conclude on our own. The premise of the book is based on Shaw's experience as a same-sex attracted Christian and how he deals with and pastors his flock in this vein. His book taught me that yes, blood family is important, but it is not everything. Since Shaw has never married, he has created a family out of the Christians around him who love him so very deeply.

Until I read his book, I did not understand the importance of cultivating close relationships with my fellow Christians. I sometimes worry about being alone when I am older, after my parents are gone, but I find such a solid hope in the fact that my brothers and sisters in Christ (and even my non-Christian friends) love me enough to be there for me. It is up to me to explain this to them and to continue building tender friendships that will last for years to come.

Building these sorts of relationships can be scary, I will admit. If you've been hurt by people in the past (who hasn't?), you may hesitate at getting too close. But after I prayed about it and sought God on what to do, he has been faithful to show me and reveal who my true friends are. I've talked to them about what I learned and we all agree, we are a family who help one another because of the love we share in Jesus.

Isn't it interesting how "early church" this looks? That is another reason why I love it so much. I want to be close and connected to how the early church fathers and families did things. I want to know I am doing what Jesus commands, even in the modern world in which I live. It really is special.

I also thought of something else the other day. Why do we not celebrate the accomplishments of our single friends? We celebrate children's birthdays, graduations, etc but not when our single friends get a promotion or move into a new house or apartment. If there's any excuse to have more parties, it's this. In essence, I just think it would mean so much to highlight the accomplishments of those who are unmarried, whether divorced, waiting for marriage, or happy in their singleness. We shouldn't forget about them because they are our family, and they are loved.