Thoughts on Joshua Harris

As you may have heard, Christian author and former pastor Joshua Harris recently announced that he is in a place in his life where he does not consider himself a Christian. He and his wife are also in the process of getting a divorce and living apart from each other.

I don't want to get into the weeds here with all of it, but I do want to talk about my own experience with the so-called "purity culture" that I grew up in during the 90s and early 2000s.

It was meant to steer us away from sexual sin and promiscuity, which I completely understand, but looking back, I realize the teachings of Harris and the Ludy's was, frankly, legalistic and unattainable for so many young people.

From what I understand, Harris grew up in a very strict Christian home. His father was a big name in the homeschooling community and his views and book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, naturally flowed out of his experiences.

I know about this culture because I grew up close to it. My parents weren't quite as strict as Harris' probably were, but they did what they did to protect me. I don't want to blame anyone here, but I do want to say that there were major holes in what I was taught and not taught regarding relationships and sexuality.

First of all, I look back now and think "Geez. That is unrealistic" when I think of making lists of qualities I wanted my future husband to have during Sunday school. Look, it's not bad to have a few things you want in a man, but a teenage girl who's read a few Christian fiction novels (the bad ones, not the good ones) and watched too many romantic movies is NOT going to have a realistic view of a partner. She's obviously going to want a Prince Charming from a fairytale.

Sadly, the world is full of imperfect people, myself included, who are just trying to get through life.

Here's what I want to point out regarding this point: It is EXTREMELY unfair to expect a man to be something you have imagined in your mind as the perfect mate.

He can never, ever live up to that standard, and you should check your pride and lay that idol down, NOW.

It is useless to serve something that doesn't exist and pine for someone who isn't real. Yes, you may fall in love one day, but I guarantee you it will not be with a perfect man.

Here's where I quote Austen (you knew it was coming, okay?). At least I think this is from Austen...

A great example is when Emma realizes she loves Mr. Knightley and they pledge their love to one another: "Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us perfect for one another."

Okay, now that's done, let's move on.

Through all the purity teaching years, no one ever talked to me about the single life. It was as if the church culture I was in didn't realize it existed, and if they did, the singles we knew were viewed as "odd." No one ever told me "If marriage happens" or "God may have set you apart for singleness."

Why didn't they mention this? It seems that the people who came up with these teachings were so focused on protecting the young ones from sexual sin that they did not think that some of us might find ourselves being single later in life. They pushed the marriage thing so hard and for so long that we all came to believe we'd get married someday.

That's a total set up for failure, in my opinion. If marriage is your greatest goal, you need to get out and live a little. Experience the world so that IF you ever do meet that special someone, you'll have some amazing experiences and life lessons to bring to the table.

Don't presume upon God when it comes to a mate, because you do not know His mind or what he has for you.

I preach this stuff all the time about how singles can live fulfilling lives no matter where they are. Why? Because we're FREE. And doesn't everybody like to be free?

I know I do.

Marriage is a sweet thing, something many of us want, and if someone ever comes along who loves me for me and not because they want to check a box, then we'll talk. Other than that, my single life is fulfilling and I am free to work and travel when I want and where I want.

I am free to fulfill my passions and be of service to my King and it is pretty awesome.

As to Harris falling away from his faith, if he is truly a Christian, he is sealed in Christ. My brother Joshua can't escape God's love for him, no matter how many books he writes or how much he is hurting emotionally.

I pray that he experiences Jesus in a new way and that the burden of the legalism, yes, LEGALISM he's been living under is burned away by the power of God's love.

Jesus is bigger than all the years Joshua has been in the dark. I hope he will keep walking forward and allow Jesus to speak to him and pull him into the light.

I also think it's GREAT that he is working as a soloprenuer in the marketing field. I can't stress enough how healthy it is for Christians to work in a secular field to grow their faith and increase their knowledge of God, because that happens when you aren't surrounded by Christians all the time. The community of believers becomes something even sweeter when we aren't taking it for granted.

Anyway. I hope my thoughts on this helped somebody out there.